Change is the only thing constant in life. But change creates uncertainty and hence makes us uncomfortable.
This essay outlines four principles of change distilled from my personal experience.
My Four Principles of Change are:
1. Nothing happens unless something changes.
2. You have to accept the current reality, only then you can change it.
3. Only by taking responsibility can anything be changed.
4. To change the world, you need to change yourself first.
Nothing happens unless something changes
At an atomic level, everything is continuously jiggling, moving. Most changes at this level are imperceptible to human senses. Beyond a threshold of scale, we notice events reflecting changes that have occurred at the atomic level.
For example, the atoms that make up your car move, and you see an event – the car moves.
All events are caused by change.
- The wood we burn changes to give us fire.
- The oxygen we breathe changes to give us life.
- Fuel changes to move us from one place to another.
- The food we eat changes to give us energy and helps us grow.
- Differential heating caused by the Sun creates wind and weather.
- Earth’s rotation around itself gives us day and night, and it’s revolutions around the Sun give us seasons.
- A mountain erodes over thousands of years and becomes a hill. In another place, a hill becomes a mountain.
Change is omnipresent.
Anything static is dead. There will be no life without change.
Life is change.
You have to accept the current reality, only then you can change it
“We cannot change anything unless we accept it.”
– Carl Jung
Reality is what it is.
If you need to change anything, you have to accept the current reality.
For example, you may want to reduce your weight, or increase your income, or improve your grades at the university. You will not change anything until you accept the reality of the situation – your body-weight is higher than optimal, your income is lower than where you want it to be or your grades are not as high as you expect them to be.
Reality is a given at any point in time.
Denial of reality is not an option.
You may choose to ignore reality, but reality will not ignore you.
You will continue to weigh or earn what you do even if you don’t acknowledge.
Acknowledge reality and accept it without flinching and begin to change and grow.
Only by taking responsibility can anything be changed
One can go further like Mario Puzo’s Godfather, who says
“Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.”
He is bang on the mark.
There are two kinds of people:
- those who accept responsibility for anything that happens to them, and
- those who pass on responsibility for everything to others.
Who you are and what happens to you is your responsibility.
Change begins by being responsible.
Only by being responsible you can change anything.
Taking responsibility is feeling a sense of ownership in a particular outcome.
Without being invested in the outcome, there is no drive to act.
If you don’t take responsibility for your health or wealth, you won’t feel the desire to reduce your weight or increase your income.
You child or spouse or parent falls ill; you cannot help taking responsibility and seeking medical treatment for them. If someone else’s child falls sick, you won’t feel the same sense of responsibility and hence the same drive to act.
Being responsible is a choice.
Viktor Frankl, a Viennese psychologist and a Holocaust survivor, says in his masterpiece Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life.
Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
It has to be your decision. You may initiate change due to outside pressure but forced change will not sustain for long.
To change your self, take responsibility for yourself.
To change the world, take responsibility for the world.
Freedom arises from responsibility.
Freedom involves taking responsibility for your free self.
No responsibility, no freedom.
You can only change yourself, not others
Change can start with only one person – yourself.
Forcing change on others generates resistance and conflict – internal and external.
The change brought about by outside force is not a lasting change.
You may change someone’s behaviour temporarily by force, but take the pressure away, and they will revert back to their usual self. Notice the centuries of conquests of people against their will. The moment the conqueror weakens or gets distracted, the conquest is lost, and the conquered rebel.
Charismatic leaders are said to change “others”.
This is not entirely correct.
Leaders communicate the need for change and create a desire in individuals to change. But the willingness to change has to exist inside each individual. Leaders recognize the power of the moment, identify the desire for change in individuals and tap into these emotions by sowing the seeds of change in fertile ground.
The one who truly desires change will be impelled by his own will to act.
Lasting change is identity change.
To stop smoking, you have to create your identity as a non-smoker and you have to value that identity.
Articulate your desire for change in terms of changing your identity.
- You don’t want to write a book. You want to be a writer.
- You don’t want to dance. You want to be a dancer.
- You don’t want to play cricket. You want to be a cricketer.
Change begins inside for everyone.
When the internal change persists, it appears outside as an event, and the world sits up and takes notice.
To change the world, you need to change yourself first
Paulo Coeho says:
“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.”
There is a human tendency to desire change in others without changing ourselves.
You may have seen many such examples.
One great example is the self-help industry that attempts to drive change in the world by giving examples of how others changed. There are thousands of such books and thousands of podcasts, but not enough difference made in the world. Nothing wrong with the books. But, the desire for change has to be felt by the reader for the change to take place.
Autobiographical self-help books, where the author outlines her journey of personal improvement, come across as the most authentic.
The messenger, who embodies change, is the best message of change.
Mahatma Gandhi said:
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
So if you want to learn something new to change yourself, learn from those who embody the knowledge.
- To run a business, learn from people in business, not academicians.
- To write a book, take advice from writers, not critics.
- To play cricket, take advice from cricket players, not sports commentators.
Embodying change and producing results is the best way to change the world.
Features of Personal Change
A few other features of personal change arising from the four principles.
1. Everyone undergoes a change – big or small – every day.
- We are never a finished product.
- We are always a work in progress.
- No one is perfect.
2. Change your mind. You are not a rock.
- If facts change, change your mind.
- If you grow, change your mind.
3. People feel that changing views they held in the past is dishonest.
This is incorrect because:
- All events are a form of change.
- Every person grows over time.
Let go of your views when you outgrow your past.
Thanks for reading till the end.
Please leave a comment. I would love to hear your views on this essay.
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Experience and Wisdom of millions humans tasted but not practicing but truth is a fact
Deeply moved by this nice article which is not suggestive rather exemplary. A big salute to your good works as all of them are life changing stuff. May you provide more such stuffs in future.